there's paper in my vomit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
