Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
