Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
