i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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