I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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