what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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