i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize