I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
