How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
