I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
