I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
