i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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