smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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