my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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