did you get engaged???
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
