She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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