Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
