they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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