I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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