I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
