oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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