Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
