My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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