so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
