He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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