remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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