Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
