please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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