It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize