he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
