Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize