I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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