No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
