I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
