Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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