Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
