I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
