oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
