I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
