I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
