Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
