"it" just moved
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
