You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
