just tell him i said nine months
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
