Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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