Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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