Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
