Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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