What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
