so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
