I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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