What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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