If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
