Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
