I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
