Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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