I just cut my nipple shaving
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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