Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
