we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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