Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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