Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize