Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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