I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
