I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In America we eat man semen.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
