she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
