dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
