i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
