If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
