what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
