Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
