Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize