Cold hands, warm shart.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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