Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
