just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
