I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love having hate sex.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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