i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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