we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize