Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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