If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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