I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
